Oktoobrilaste karskuskuu!

Here I am, after just having recieved a call from Anna, inviting me for a non-alcoholic beer, a cigarette and a few games of table football (which we are very lousy at) in Rokiklubi. Unfortunately I'm at my parents place again.
October is the sober month. We made a deal that we won't have any alcohol and are only allowed to smoke one cigarette every day. For 31 days. I'm quite positive I'll succeed, we'll see about Anna. If she goes wrong, I'll probably follow her, though. Since we're the only 2 people agreed to the pact. Well it was our idea from a night out, just the two of us, so no surprise there really was no-one else to claim to it. Kaisa wanted to have a day a week for drinks and wondered if she could keep her cigarettes from weekdays for the weekend, but I think that would lead anyone astray after the first weekend, so at least I didn't agree to it. I don't think she's prepared to join us just yet.
They were laughing. "You - you'll be drinking in no time, you'll never succeed!" I'll show them. My "friends" with no faith in me whatsoever. I suppose I have given them reason for doubt, especially when I went out on the 30th of September to celebrate the end of the alcohol era for a month and got back home at around 5 in the morning, reeking of cigarettes and beer, not feeling so well 5 hours later, getting up for work.
I'll show them!
Alex is back! He's actually changed, more active than ever and there's something about him I can't put my finger on. I was very insecure around him before, but something else has changed - we have some sort of a routine. I see him every day from Monday to Friday, I put him in the bed for his afternoon nap and I take him to most of his therapies and swimmings and whatnot.
I think it was the first time he fell asleep with me putting him to bed that changed it all for me. It's also lots easier now that we've trained him out of the nappies. I'm really sad now that it did start raining the day I started minding Alex again - we probably won't be able to go and jump in the leaves since they're all wet. We'll wait and see.
He'll be 2 years old tomorrow! Party!
I still love and miss Gavin so much it sometimes hurts! He won't hear that from me, though, because being rejected by him for the second time would hurt a thousand times more than the first time did! Let me be happy thinking about all the great times we had before I left, let me have that.
It's funny - I've always thought I've felt like that, but this is the first time I know it's for real!
Autumn - the time for being apart.